It’s been a while since I wrote anything, but I felt like putting some thoughts on paper.
I learned somewhere a while back that there was a clear difference between Love and Applause, as well as a common confusion with them both. Love can only be experienced when we tear down the superficial walls, these masks that we wear, the artificial auras that we make to puff ourselves up. Until we are fully able to be ourselves, we can only feel love in shimmering flashes, but never the constant, euphoric smother that love brings.
Love is like the warmth of the sun that allows you to clearly see the beauty in the world, while Applause is like the cold white spotlight that keeps you illuminated, but everything else dark.
Applause is a form of praise, and we can agree that our society worships perfection. So much that even appearing confident is considered an attractive quality now. We all have scars, we all have cracks, we all are covered in dust, but none of us care to admit it. Social media has just given us more power over our own image to everyone else. Love is fulfilling, but applause if fleeting. This is because deep down we know that they are clapping for only what they see, but that don’t know the person under the mask, the person behind the scenes, and that’s what we want.
It turns into a catch 22, because we desire love, but our methods end up only granting us applause by adding layer upon layer of superficiality of what we think someone will want. There’s something special when someone stands before you being aware of all of your scars and imperfections and still assigns worth greater than themselves to you. Knowing that they want you. You don’t have to hide behind the bush, you don’t have to stand behind the tree in fear. You become free from the heavy load of accomplishing the impossible.
Some cleave to Applause, and some of those are successful at it for a time. Eventually, even for some of the best, that dam begins to crack, the water starts to leak through and the illusion is figured out. They’re just as scarred and broken as the rest of us. But its amazing when that public image is defaced. Like a drug addict thrown into the chaos of being immediately getting cut off, they panic and search for that applause. Almost willing to sell their own souls to attain it again. Subconsciously, they are reminded that the applause will never bring the same satisfaction that Love brings. Sometimes only through that humiliation will they finally adjust their bearings to sail into the right direction.
The scariest thing in all of this is that Love is never guaranteed to be permanent if it ever is achieved. Dreams can have a habit of turning into nightmares when you’re not looking. When Eve steps back from Adam. When Adam looks away from Eve. Little by little, this open and honest transparency that propelled this enchanting experience into the stratosphere begins to tumble and spin back to earth, approaching the inevitable crash. Sometimes, one walks away and the other is powerless to catch them. Sinking in quicksand, begging, screaming, pleading without answer. Inevitability is a vile monster, sometimes the only action is to allow the beast to swallow you whole. You’ll wake up eventually.
That doesn’t mean it’s all folly. Experiencing this true and open love can make everything else seem futile. The distance you traveled feels like nothing. The pain in your joints fades away. The ringing in your ears fades from echos to nothingness. Nausea turns to butterflies. Scars can heal. A broken heart can be put back together with pieces from someone else’s. There this indescribable grace that swirls around two in love. It makes time stand still.
In the end, Love is a gamble, but one that is exceedingly rewarding. The first step is to break free from the perpetual addiction to applause and allow someone to finally see you for not who you want to be, but who you are. A relationship based on applause will die whenever someone runs out of energy of holding up their cardboard avatars. If you never take that gamble, you’ll bounce from person to person only able keep that something alive for as long as your energy lasts.
Life is too short to melt in the desert of indecision. You’ll end up dying there while seeing the green grass on the horizon. They’ll make a grave for you 6 feet deep in your regrets and pile even more of them on top of your coffin. If you ever look down and see your own shadow from the spotlight, and your standing before a ravenous crowd willing to eat you piece by piece, break free from that applause and try to experience something more timeless, even if risks everything.
So much for now,